Psychological studies have shown that not arguing in a relationship reflects a serious lack of interest and couples who quarrel more consequently love each other more.
According to a survey held on a dating website, 44% married couples agreed to the fact that occasional fighting and disputes “helps the lines of communication stay open,” and demonstrates mutual care.
Diplomacy is used to sustain nice relations and make good impressions. It includes fear for offending the other person, watching what you speak and staying away from extreme point of views.
While diplomacy can cause boredom in a relationship, it also leads to a prevention of disagreements which is quite damaging for a relationship.
Intermittent controversies denotes an existence of feelings which is crucial for the longevity of a relationship. It illustrates the active pursuit to an effective solution rather than a complete suppression of feelings.
Psychologists have noticed that fighting helps avoid mutual resentment as heated discussions are a result of subdued problems. It goes to show that couples are concerned for their relationships and are interested in their partners.
Dana Ward, a relationship counselor, analyzes: “Fighting is normal. While some couples may think fighting is the sign of a bad relationship, it is actually is very important. The key is fighting with a purpose.”
Moreover, therapists have also emphasized on the idea of productive fighting and do’s and don’ts during heated arguments.
Abusive and disrespectful arguing should be avoided at all costs as it may lead to permanent misconceptions. Comparisons to others, ego issues and bringing up past incidents must also be warded off to ensure a beneficial resolution.
As the author of The Starter Marriage and the Future of Matrimony, Pamela Paul, explains: “compatibility of personality traits, such as beliefs and core values, comes out during a good fight. It’s when you’re heated, not holding back or restraining yourself, that you finally let the other person see how you really think and feel.”